The 4 pillars of self-care
I am yet to meet someone who doesn’t know about the importance of self-care. We talk about it, congratulate ourselves when we manage it… but we do it infrequently and often in a way that is actually self-indulgent.
Self-care is something we need to practise daily to get the benefit.
It’s something that isn’t always easy and doesn’t always give us a short term dopamine hit. And sometimes it leaves us feeling immediately deprived and with a strong sense of FOMO. You know what I’m saying because we’ve all said that the cake was self-care or booked a massage for a once a year treat. Or eaten a single balanced meal in a week then felt so chuffed with ourselves we decided to celebrate with a glass of wine, chocolate bar or whatever else our dopamine receptors and hard wiring are telling us.
I have seriously investigated what constitutes self-care because I am not immune to slacking off on it. I am human after all and sometimes my trolley has TimTams in it too!
I have come up with 4 pillars of self-care. These are the core of what self-care really looks like and needs to be:
1. Honouring our cycles, our energy, our health, our body. We need to truly honour all that we are in order to practice self-care with kindness. Instead of berating ourselves for feeling worn out or low energy during our bleed, sickness, or just a period of low energy - we need to honour that feeling and lean in. When we have the energy then honour that and off we go again. Apply this to more than just energy as well. Injuries, mental lows and highs, times of stress…honour the season you are in not forcing yourself to push constantly.
2. Simplifying our lives instead of complicating them. I honestly feel like this tech boom where we are all connected with access to everything, and everyone has really created more complications than we need. Keep it simple. You don’t need fancy, gourmet food. Meat and 3 veg, omelettes, simple garden salads with protein are all quick, easy meals. Even faster than ordering takeaway. Walking is great exercise, as is gardening. Going to a lead exercise class or consulting an expert instead of trying to do it all yourself is also simplifying things.
3. Prioritise your needs over other people's wants. Of course, our kids will always have needs that we put first but that becomes an ingrained habit as they get older as well. There comes a time when they can make their own food, put a load of washing out (without help) and so on. They might want it, but work does not need you on call 24/7. Learn to say no and get used to prioritising sleep over Netflix, a balanced meal over the perceived ease of takeaway and embrace JOMO (the Joy Of Missing Out).
4. Time management is key here. Like all of you reading this I have been too busy for a walk, to prep my food for the week. Too busy to take a day off, do the meditation or even to get to bed early. And not once has it ever paid off. Productivity increases when you make time to take breaks, get sleep, calm your mind and exercise on the regular. Block off the self-care time from your diary and without guilt take that time and enjoy!
What next? Don’t book one massage. Commit to monthly ones. Check out your meals and decide what is too complicated for everyday and how you can make them easier and more nutritious. Next time you are asked to do something, help out etc, ask if that impacts what you need. Check your energy and your cycle. Where are you? Are you in a low or high energy phase? And how can you work with that instead of pushing constantly. Check your schedule and make sure you have time blocked out every day for you to exercise or meditate or do something FUN.
Self-care is not hard. But it does need to be repeated daily - like a broken record to be of any use. That way the odd dopamine hit, or self-indulgent treat won’t be an issue. Off you go! Honour, simplify, prioritise and manage your time to live your best life!